2007-12-13
another day
Today has not been the best day. I probably spoke a total of thirty words, all day. I've only spoken to five people today, mostly the polite, "Thank you" or a quick greeting.
I've never felt so alone.
Tomorrow I am definitely going somewhere. At least leave my dorm. Walk around campus, go to The Corner, possibly Barnes and Noble.
I was feeling really down. Crying and all that jazz. I kept wondering, am I completely doomed to be alone forever? And not even in the romantic sense. Just alone in general. Why is it so difficult for me to form connections with people. Am I to picky? Is it because I wait and for others to make the first move? Am I just a completely unlovable person? I don't know, and I honestly don't know how to go about changing that.
I also feel crappy because there are times when I feel absolutely worthless and useless. I think to myself, I am never going to be special or do anything of importance with my life.
Now I know these are highly depressing thoughts, but today was a bad today. Tomorrow probably won't be any better, but I'll try to get more sunlight at least.
How does one become someone of importance or worth? And how does one form worthwhile and meaningful connections with others? Perhaps I'll deal with that tomorrow.
Days like these I just try to partly accept that I am what I am, then resolve to be the best me possible. Which apparently is a cliche.
unchallenged at 10:23 p.m.